depression- cure, symptoms, and coping

We all had a friend who used to stay aloof, do not talk much and has severe mood swings, at one time in our life. As we grow old, during our high school and graduation, we have seen classmates who are sad and lost interest in life, feeling empty and hopeless. Some like me might have experienced it in varying shades and degrees themselves. The recent deaths of Pratyusha Banerjee and Jiah Khan has brought the light back to the uncomfortable question of extreme pressure to perform, not able to handle, either-failure or success.
Sadness and disappointments in life and going through rough phase is normal, but if the phase continues for long, it is called as depression. Although the real depression is much more then sadness and emptiness, the symptoms of major depression include loss of appetite, tiredness, addiction to alcohol and stuff, most importantly lost of interest from life and things you once used to enjoy. There are some clear signs of someone struggling from life and depression.
7 SIGNS OF DEPRESSION:
• The person cannot concentrate at work and personal life, gets irritated at small things, restless and even violent during any argument
• Loss of interest from all things the person liked, most important of it socializing.
• The feeling of worthlessness and aimlessness, is one of the most easily visible symptom, where person cut from all near and dear ones.
• Loss of appetite and weight, and interest of grooming specifically in females can be seen, while others may start over eating to the extreme.
• The person feels he is responsible for every wrong happening in his life or anyone connected to him.
• Suicidal thoughts and attempts to end life in cases of persistent and long term depression.
• Fear of bringing disrepute and ill name to family and its legacy in society by his/her past action or unethical act.

The last point can trigger suicide even before a person fall into depression, as he tries to end life in the heat of the moment.

The only way of bringing someone out of depression is being with the person, and providing him unconditional emotional support as he is weak in the head, and depression is all in mind. The friends of the person should interact with him more and should not leave him in the middle of road, because of his changed behavior and extreme mood swings. People with suicidal tendencies talk about harming themselves, calling friends and relatives to say goodbye, giving away their expensive stuff to friends and cousins.

Loneliness and lack of support from family and peers is one of the most important causes of depression, although depression because of financial stress, substance abuse and relationship problems can best be treated by medical and psychological experts. Parents have to detect the symptoms and causes by observing the pattern and should not force anyone to go to a psychologist as it may lead person to start avoiding such people. Friends and family should indulge the person, make him know that how much they appreciate the patient and their mere existence make them happy.

WHAT IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?

I can answer this question well, because I have seen people close to me in clinical depression, maniac depression also known as bipolar depression, in which person is over-happy for a week and extremely depressed in the next.
I, myself to an extent have gone through some minor depression for a month or two, 3 years back and can say it with confidence, there is always a door to come out of it.

The only thing one has to learn is if you have more than 2 of the above mentioned symptoms for more than a month, you probably are in early stages of depression. As causes of depression are different, so are the cure. What works for one person to get out of it may not work for other. The best approach is to change the lifestyle, confide in someone you trust, and don’t leave yourself alone as isolation may fuel depression. If it is severe, there is nothing wrong in getting medical help. Therapy and antidepressant, along with counseling can work wonders, and fastens the process of recovery. Manage your emotions and stress well, understand the basic fact that – the only constant in life is change. Remember what P.B. Shelly said–“ If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”

Try to read motivational books and look at people who have suffered and fought and came out glorious. Remember what legends have said to inspire us to bear the pain.
A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.”– Stephen Hoeller.

DEPRESSION BY STATSTICS:

• Depression affects 121 million people worldwide. Severe depression can lead to suicides and is responsible for 8.5 million deaths every year.

• 80 percent of people who have clinical depression are not taking any specific treatment to cure it.

• The number of patients with depression increases by 20 percent every year.

• Depression is most probable in age group of 42 – 64 years. Overall women are twice more prone to depression then men.

• In India, as per a survey in 2011, 36 percent of the population suffers from depression.

Before taking the extreme step, think about those who are alive just to see you smile. Don’t take their purpose of life away from them.

If Pratyusha, would have thought of her million fans who loved her unconditionally. If she would have confided in her parents or friends, and have stood against her abusive live in partner, without thinking about how society will judge her, for having 3 consecutive failed relationships; she would have been alive today.

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travel diaries

Explored the traveler in me few years back. This blog is for all those who want to get a true experience and want to get an idea of what the vibe of a place is… what should not be missed. I am one of those who do not travel on tight budget, so those who love a bit of luxury, and some holiday pampering – watch this space for more

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EAVESdropped Conversations

Sometimes, you don’t even realize that you listen to so many conversations, half baked , while travelling on public transport…. some of them are so interesting that you travel two stations to get the complete story… this is one such eavesdropped conversation… no need to say, names have been changed for privacy.

 

Veronica: Hey, I have not seen you dressing like this for years, you remind me of high school and the first year at college. It’s been almost two decades since we graduated.

 

Maureen: Isn’t it great babes? Sometimes, you have to spice it back these motherfuckin a**holes start takin you for granted… and one thing once you start actin nineteen, you start feeling nineteen… I can’t tell you how liberating it feels, you fuckin bitch…gotcha what I am saying?

Veronica: (shockingly) you need to watch it, I am glad you feel young and really appreciate it, but dont you think the dress you are wearing to work are too revealing and the torned jeans are a bit too much. Some one may complain to the HR, if they find it offensive….

Maureen: Listen! You, my little miss pussy, you need to put your foot down, once in a while, those fuckin creeps will say what they have to say, they were not saints before I decked up, you know what I mean?  Trust me, honey… its amazing here….

Veronica: ofcourse! It must be great, but you know we are in our mid forties and there are certain office ethics, you know we both are in mid management levels, no longer those twenty year old interns, we have long past that road called youth. I do miss those times and I feel miserable.

Maureen: nostalgic Dont you go  through wonderful memories of our college? Those were the times, we drank, wear those plunging necklines, and crop tops and not to forget those see through tops with the bra straps coming out and visible. Going to movies wearing those hardly there shorts and those backless dresses which every straight men in the bar cant avoid noticing.

You miss those days…..dont you?

Veronica: Yes! Yes! I do… but I am not sure whether i want to visit those times or not, there is a certain time limit to every phase of life, and I am enjoying this phase as much as I did that. I have gained thirty pounds since then , and you too have got fine lines and puffy eyes and stretch marks on your belly post the birth of Alex, and you have gained quite a wait. I dont think so these clothes will look good on me now.

We certainly can try some will dress once in a while on a visit to a pub or lounge, but doing this everyday at office is a bit too much. Dont you think?

Maureen: (sympathetically) honey! I know you dont feel good in your body, since you have become fat, I know you feel horrible, but you should do what your heart says, those motherfu**ers will bitch about you no matter what you do, whether you lose forty pounds or get a boob job done, they wont be happy. I know you want it too badly, why dont you tag with me to do some shopping. I am sure you will look too yummy after the makeover… ROFL… you know what it mean right?

Veronica: (cuts her down) No.. No you are getting it wrong. I am good.. I am good..

Maureen: you should start using my face cream, and I will give you my concealer and foundation… lets get back the gone era… my fuckin little pussy…….

 

to kill a mocking bird – book reveiw

when I started it, the reason was this was a really famous book, and been a part of each and every list of books that one must read before he /she dies…. so I purchased it. I started it and felt like, all these classics have a language barrier, this is definitely, not English. Although I am a student of English literature, and have read Shakespeare and all that stuff but still it is a tough read, a book almost seven decades old…. but once you have read 40 pages or so, you are able to understand and get along the protagonist vision and life.

Well, on the lines of the quote, that’s why a caged bird sings.. it is a well written book, and not for a  second, you will feel, its written by an adult. Trust me! it is a worth a read, and the end you will cry, and that will be cathartic.

The life in a small town, the non existing ghost in the neighborhood, the father daughter relation, and the brother sister fights are beyond authentic, and amazingly woven around , what a small girl thinks about what is happening in the family, what are the reasons, according to her, and what is happening all around. The winters are cold and the teachers are harsh at school.

Like they say, – you can kill all the jays you want, but it is a sin to kill a mocking bird. The drama unfolds, and you feel the kid, which knows nothing of what happened that night…

 

My Rating – 4.5/5ToKillAMockingbird

Farzi cafe – chic and urban

Although the name is quite contrary to what you will experience at this place. Farzi is generally defined as a cheap intimation of something great. May be the owner used it to grab eyeballs. Lets move to the my experience and review.

the lounge has that chic and urban feel, it is located just below the junkyard cafe, and next to townhouse cafe – those who are regular visitors to lounges in CP.

The decor is chic and well done. they have those different corners and spaces for different sized groups that visit the place, which i find interesting. For example, for couples, they have tables just in front of live performance stage, for double dates – they have seating at the back, for larger groups  – they have those faux leather sofas with seating of 12 – 15 people with a windows giving  a view of the street.

I went on a casual date, and ditched my go to place – Warehouse Cafe and tried this as suggested by a friend. I was not disappointed. The staff was courteous and well organised.

For starters, I ordered a cocktail for the lady and a beer for me. they dont have my usual tuborg but gave options to try something new, which I liked. to a usual NO.

Then we ordered the regular Indian stuff like paneer tikka, with some exotic sauce, it was good but not great. The next dish – chicken tikka, again average – it seemed they cooked it in the morning and just served it after warming in microwave.

The lounge played some good music with great beats , thank god, nothing bollywood, otherwise i would not have written the review.

There is a lot of fusion in food and presentation is amazing, but I cant say the same about the taste. Some of the dishes do not even match with the names. for example- There is pav bhaji listed as ‘Ratatouille bhaji with maska focaccia’ on the menu! You cant judge what it is unless you ask. although its signature dal chawal aranchini was amazing. prawns were good marinated with tandoori sauce and were crispy. the mains included farzified chicken, it was again a fusion, which seemed more on continental sized but worth the money.

for the dessert, we listened to the waiter and ordered dirt pie and Ras Malai. the desert was perfect. they added hot chocolate in front of me.  before bringing the bill, they served us with cotton candy Paan. It was amazing……

The staff was friendly, courteous and well behaved. A quick note: the prices are high, definitely not pocket friend. Go to impress your GF/BF.

My rating:

DECOR :     4/5

FOOD:  3.5/5

SERVICE: 4/5

 

 

 

the dance Of Democracy

How much power crazy and desperate a political party can get has to be checked on a craziness meter which has the highest standard set as BJP. The recent result of Karnataka has left many people stunned by the performance of the party down South, but what left the people gasping for breath is the desperation to form government without having the numbers.

The horsetrading is not something new in the political circles around the world, but this is an another episode. They just ignored the precedence  and conventions and went ahead writing letters to the governor and tweeting about the swearing in. One must remember, whether they form government by this dirty tricks, buying MLA’s and what not, people will not forget what they have done to win elections. It is shocking that irrespective of not fulfilling the promises made 4 years back, people are still giving them chances, but there is a limit to patience. The stupidities will haunt them in future and the house of cards will fall flat when the winds of uncertainty loom in the next general elections.

The late night session by SC was not something unusual but its refusal to stop swearing in is questionable, giving the logic of governor being in purview of its right to conduct oath taking. The desperation of the governor to call BJP lies in the loyalties he had for the party and the PM, but sacrificing constitution to highlight your bromance you share since Gujrat days is disgusting beyond words. Offering 15 days to prove majority is another wrong precedence he has set.

Its fine to lie during election campaigns and say that Nehru never visited Bhagat Singh in jail, but stooping this low for power is unacceptable by even those who do not have standards. The power is not forever, and the chair has no loyalties and attachments, remember that….. Mr PM.

 

narendra-modi-shah_650x400_51489312929

The journey of pain

With all the pain,

the humiliation deep inside..

I kept going….

With all the broken desires, messed up life..

I kept going…

 

Until a day

I choked up to my lungs, and it seems,

instead of blood in my veins,

It was all tears that flowed inside, tearing me apart…

 

I cried beneath the pillows

behind closed doors..

While the world sleeps, and the hands of clock kept moving

while the time stood still….

I was passing to the oblivion like an aging star….

 

With all my secrets,

which i took to my grave…

None talked, None shared…..

 

With the end coming near, I thought with all my might

Did i ever lived??

As my soul departed to space

I

finally rest my case…

 

 

 

 

 

 

the Modis and the Shahs- the end of Gandhis…

narendra-modi-shah_650x400_51489312929For So long as the distant memory can remember, the Gandhis have been an integral part of the politics that we saw in India. How good they were at their job may be debatable but it is disappointing to see them to move towards the verge of non existence. the politics which was inclined towards inclusion and distributing freebies was certainly better then hatred and passion for the Ram Mandir, which is exponentially higher then that at Advani’s time may yet not be a thing to be worried about.

The rise of Modi politics and Amit Shah as the master strategist is a killer combination. More literally killer! the reason being the tough stands and emotional appeals directly to the public, probably taught by the veteran Smriti Irani are impeccable. The art of deceiving and mud slinging and using anecdotes from past century comes naturally to Modi. For every failure – congress is to be blamed. For every success , we are the heros. Remember Modi going to an extent of saying Aadhar has its origin with Vajpayee and taking credit for GST, are some masterstrokes the couple has played well.

The road ahead seems to be filled with roses, but there may be bumps, which are unnoticeable as of now. The Gujrat marginal victory was an example. Getting Nagaland, and other small states may be an achievement, they can sure boast, but Rajesthan seems out of reach, so does Karnatka. In general election in 15 months, thry have nothing to show. They may fool people again and the chances are high, they will. But not with the grandeur with which they were able to pull it off in 2014. The regional parties are upset and they are waiting to pull their masks off and attack with such ferocity they Modi will be shocked.

Padmavati – the queen of controversies…or curbing artistic freedom?

For so long as, we as citizens of a country, has the time to sit back and take offense, we are not going to be great. There have been many instances in the past, that has stirred the imagination of the country, concerned with the field of cinema and artist and people giving certificates to how far creative freedom go, when it comes to history? Thanks to the mainstream media, which have been blown the Deepika Padukone starrer Padmavati controversy, out of proportion, in a desperate need for gasping some TRP’s. I also fortunately had the opportunity to watch some utterly low level high Trp news shows, which ran prime times on going to her palace at night to listen to her anklets and her soul wandering in courtyards for revenge.

At the end, all I can say is, in a country as diverse as India, with so many people from all over the place, everyone can get offended at the way their community or religion or sect is being depicted, or projected or ridiculed in the magnificent opera called cinema. I, being a Sikh, should be most vocal and supportive of the actions of Karni sena and the likes, who are getting violent each day on Sanjay Leela Bansalis depiction of their queen mother whom they worship. As a community , or a sect, no other religion has been projected of people with low IQ, horribly dresses, wearing all colours of rainbows in their attire, and being stupidly funny as SARDARS. But the one thing I want to add here is, no one can bring you down, if you dont give importance to them. We refuse to react and become violent, and finally they stopped.

Well, I wont contest the theory, which says that filmmakers are getting benefits of free and cheap publicity by the hoopla going on the Deepika being beheaded, everyone knows, a girl earning 78 crores a year and 43 bodyguards, and 7 bouncers 24*7 cant be harmed, let alone beheaded, specifically when all these bodyguards are well trained private commandos. What harm does it get to make a random statement to put a price on her head, of 10 20 or 400 crore, when no one is going to do it.

As far as artistic freedom is concerned, as a freelancer and an individual with his independent mind, I can say it with utmost certainity and am sure facts will also testify my opinion is that for so long as the written history of the world is available along with the scriptures, there has always been a ban on expression on anything that is not a part of popular culture, and people and kings and queens and the dictators in power has put a ban or restriction to objectionable free thought since time immemorial.

So whether it is Padmavati having a dream sex sequence with Khilji or title Sexy Durga, there will be people who have all the time in the world to put bounties on the heads of their creators. In the meantime, common people like us gasp for fresh air in the smog filled streets of New Delhi, trying to meet our ends meet and busy thinking about the long due gas and electricity bill…

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dying to release the pain it withold…

 

GOD – my ultimate star

the poet in me – how bad it could be,

but with courage in heart…. i post this draft

of a poem with inspiration in lack, i wrote a decade back….

 

I have always been in awe of his existence….

how he worked out things for me…..for instance.

 

Life for sure is a roller coaster ride…..

my sins from him i cant hide.

 

I wonder how he would laugh,when I act smart…..

but I thank him with all my heart….

 

I have committed a  hundred blunders…..

still I never felt he ever showered thunder…

 

How much I owe to him….I just cant express….

which often make me feel depress.

 

Life has always been great under his shade….

even when I walk on path with thorns laid.

 

He had been a teacher par excellence…..

I was the one who lacked brilliance.

 

Still he never lost hope…..

I was the one who was hard to cope.

 

25 years later, I feel grown ….

but without him,I shall HAVE drown…..

 

Words cant express my gratitude…..

I still haven’t changed my attitude.

 

You are my ultimate shoulder to cry …

till my eyes don’t get dry.

 

Thanks would be a small word…….!!!!!!!!!!! O’ LORD.

YOU ARE MY ULTIMATE STAR!!!!! O GOD….

DELHI DIARIES: the charm of old Delhi..

For quite a long time, the writer in me focused on politics and other issues on which I wanted to write to an extent that the traveler in me was lost for some time. To compensate for it, I am going to start a series of travel blogs covering the different parts of the capital of India – starting from old Delhi.

It is said that – “the older the city gets, the more charming it becomes.” hiding in its viel, a thousand secrets and a million of dreams. As you set to explore the city, the air you breath and the skyline tell you the journey of the city, with billions of footprints left on the roads so traveled and leaving a mark in the history  and stories to be foretold for the generations to come. Delhi is one such city – which has scars so deep and a charm so unique, you can’t come here and leave without praying to come back on its soil again.

A city more than thousand years old, a city been a witness to hundreds of battles and a city whose soil is filled with blood,lust,power, vengeance and love. A city with no match.The heart of the Delhi still holds the history intact. As you pass through the  rustic  and over-crowded roads of the old Delhi. You will feel the magic in the air. This part  of the city is more than thousand years old and been a power capital of Mughals for  a century before British invaded India. The architecture of  this place is a literal amalgamation of  Mughal and the Hindu with a mix  of European and colonial architecture.

The reason old Delhi is called as the walled city is because this is the part of the  original city walled by the Mughals to avoid invasions. It has 14 gates enclosing almost 2000 acres of lands that includes forts , landscaped gardens and all  markets and whatever the king’s required.  The gates still retain their names. The  main ones are kashmiri gate at north, Lahori gate at West and Ajmeri gate towards South. All these gate were surrounded by thick walls as tall as 26 feet kept invaders at bay.

Starting from the red fort, the almost literal centre of the city, I was enamoured by the magnitude of the structure. Entering the structure from the busy road going towards the market, it awed me more after i entered the structure, the reason being from outside it appears as it is just the front of red bricks and mughal architecture at its worst, as plain as an imagination of 3 day old kid.

 

The moment i entered i was struck the magnanimity and the beauty which seems missing from the outside. Built by the mughal king in 1645, it is a 4 century old structure, built on the banks of the river Yamuna. The huge arch gateways took me back to the history of royalty and epic grandeur. The fort is octagon in shape. The marble and the floral patterns inside including those at the public baths called as hammams and those public gathering halls called as diwan – i – aam and diwan – e -khas are example of fine arts of the time. The imperial apartments overlooking the river has been created to create an illusion of heaven as described in the Quran. The innermost part includes diwan i khas which was for private meetings of high importance which to my mind included nothing more than planning and plotting for military invasions of the next target.

Each and every part of the fort brings you closer to the history and make you feel the grandeur of royal life and help you estimate the wealth they have accumulated to create a residence circumscribing almost 30 acres. The courtyards are well maintained and green, as i walked out the fort with markets selling everything, from silk to elephant tusk, at least the shopkeepers claimed.

I moved towards one of the oldest markets in the country – the chandani chowk. There cannot be anything more crowded than the narrow lanes in the middle of the afternoon in any other part of the world. The market is famous for its food with more than 7 dozen delicacies available, that you will be spoilt for choice. From fine silk and zari and chicken muslin, to the electronic goods to furniture to leather goods, there is so much quantity, and if you have a good eye for fineness, you will find some quality stuff here as well. I kept myself busy with the food, from famous kababs at kareem to jalebis at famous eatery and dahi bhallas at Natraj corner.

In the middle of the bustling market, is the Shis Ganj – one of the holy sikh temple where the 9th guru of the sikh community was martyred by Mughal king Aurangzeb. I went inside and found the place a spiritual delight. The structure was all marble and the religious hymns were sung inside. The enchanting voices of the priests made me forget the worries of the outside world.

As I moved out and took an auto to the next destination Jama Masjid, again a must visit and paradise for architect lovers.