Depression- cure, symptoms, and trauma

We all had a friend who used to stay aloof, do not talk much and has severe mood swings, at one time in our life. As we grow old, during our high school and graduation, we have seen classmates who are sad and lost interest in life, feeling empty and hopeless. Some like me might have experienced it in varying shades and degrees themselves. The recent deaths of Pratyusha Banerjee and Jiah Khan has brought the light back to the uncomfortable question of extreme pressure to perform, not able to handle, either-failure or success.
Sadness and disappointments in life and going through rough phase is normal, but if the phase continues for long, it is called as depression. Although the real depression is much more then sadness and emptiness, the symptoms of major depression include loss of appetite, tiredness, addiction to alcohol and stuff, most importantly lost of interest from life and things you once used to enjoy. There are some clear signs of someone struggling from life and depression.


7 SIGNS OF DEPRESSION:
• The person cannot concentrate at work and personal life, gets irritated at small things, restless and even violent during any argument
• Loss of interest from all things the person liked, most important of it socializing.
• The feeling of worthlessness and aimlessness, is one of the most easily visible symptom, where person cut from all near and dear ones.
• Loss of appetite and weight, and interest of grooming specifically in females can be seen, while others may start over eating to the extreme.
• The person feels he is responsible for every wrong happening in his life or anyone connected to him.
• Suicidal thoughts and attempts to end life in cases of persistent and long term depression.
• Fear of bringing disrepute and ill name to family and its legacy in society by his/her past action or unethical act.

The last point can trigger suicide even before a person fall into depression, as he tries to end life in the heat of the moment.

The only way of bringing someone out of depression is being with the person, and providing him unconditional emotional support as he is weak in the head, and depression is all in mind. The friends of the person should interact with him more and should not leave him in the middle of road, because of his changed behavior and extreme mood swings. People with suicidal tendencies talk about harming themselves, calling friends and relatives to say goodbye, giving away their expensive stuff to friends and cousins.

Loneliness and lack of support from family and peers is one of the most important causes of depression, although depression because of financial stress, substance abuse and relationship problems can best be treated by medical and psychological experts. Parents have to detect the symptoms and causes by observing the pattern and should not force anyone to go to a psychologist as it may lead person to start avoiding such people. Friends and family should indulge the person, make him know that how much they appreciate the patient and their mere existence make them happy.

WHAT IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?

I can answer this question well, because I have seen people close to me in clinical depression, maniac depression also known as bipolar depression, in which person is over-happy for a week and extremely depressed in the next.
I, myself to an extent have gone through some minor depression for a month or two, 3 years back and can say it with confidence, there is always a door to come out of it.

The only thing one has to learn is if you have more than 2 of the above mentioned symptoms for more than a month, you probably are in early stages of depression. As causes of depression are different, so are the cure. What works for one person to get out of it may not work for other. The best approach is to change the lifestyle, confide in someone you trust, and don’t leave yourself alone as isolation may fuel depression. If it is severe, there is nothing wrong in getting medical help. Therapy and antidepressant, along with counseling can work wonders, and fastens the process of recovery. Manage your emotions and stress well, understand the basic fact that – the only constant in life is change. Remember what P.B. Shelly said–“ If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”

Try to read motivational books and look at people who have suffered and fought and came out glorious. Remember what legends have said to inspire us to bear the pain.
A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.”– Stephen Hoeller.

DEPRESSION BY STATSTICS:

• Depression affects 121 million people worldwide. Severe depression can lead to suicides and is responsible for 8.5 million deaths every year.

• 80 percent of people who have clinical depression are not taking any specific treatment to cure it.

• The number of patients with depression increases by 20 percent every year.

• Depression is most probable in age group of 42 – 64 years. Overall women are twice more prone to depression then men.

• In India, as per a survey in 2011, 36 percent of the population suffers from depression.

Before taking the extreme step, think about those who are alive just to see you smile. Don’t take their purpose of life away from them.

If Pratyusha, would have thought of her million fans who loved her unconditionally. If she would have confided in her parents or friends, and have stood against her abusive live in partner, without thinking about how society will judge her, for having 3 consecutive failed relationships; she would have been alive today.

travel diaries

Explored the traveler in me few years back. This blog is for all those who want to get a true experience and want to get an idea of what the vibe of a place is… what should not be missed. I am one of those who do not travel on tight budget, so those who love a bit of luxury, and some holiday pampering – watch this space for more

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PREP TALKS – Give it your all…

Getting into an MBA college should not be an uphill task, in a nation where colleges providing the coveted degree are mushrooming in every nook and cranny of this country, yet the dream of chosen few to get into a prestigious college is fulfilled out of the lakh of management graduates that pass out each year. The competition is not fierce but cut-throat with lakhs of aspiring young graduates appearing for CAT each year, and only handful of them get their dream college. The competition doesn’t end at clearing CAT, it has just begun. Several bright hardworking students are chucked out in group discussions and personal interviews due to lack of communication skills or not so interesting profiles. Those who convert, the journey is far from over.

the late nights…

The thought of doing an MBA normally strikes in the second year of graduation. For me, I was sure of doing an MBA even before I passed out from school. Even with that kind of clarity, my journey had its fair share of failures and tribulations. Without getting preachy, let me share my story.

The first blunder I committed was to believe that being an academically bright student is enough to crack the common test. I dropped a year after my graduation with a firm belief that six months of hard work and preparation along with the coaching classes is enough to ace the exam. Trust me! It might have worked for few; it is not a good idea. Even after I cleared the exam, the justification for the drop year ate into a good part of my personal interview years later. Get into the preparation mode by the start of the fifth term of your graduation, if you are in a 4-year degree course.

The second blunder was to leave jobs for preparation. The first failed attempt forced me to take a job and gain work experience as colleges give importance to it. It gave me a peep into the corporate world and gave me perspective of what lies up the corporate ladder. The downside was I focused on work and learnt new things which put my studies at the back burner. I lost track of my MBA plan. I had never thought of skipping another year. The time flew so fast. The new job opportunities, money, friends and young blood along with newfound freedom can contaminate the most well functioning minds. No doubt, the experience helped me a lot in hindsight, as I speak today in the capacity of a second year MBA student. The second and the third attempt at CAT was a mere formality. I switched 4 jobs in a span of three years. I got exposure in various domains – from sales to quality analyst to working in the back office for a foreign client. I have done it all.

mba life

The first promotion was easy. The next one was difficult as my competitors had an MBA edge. that brought me back to my senses and reminded me of my MBA dreams. I started my preparation back and worked each weekend for a year and cracked CAT, got calls from dream colleges.

The journey was not easy. I had my fair share of self doubt, dilemma and fear of not making it. The sleepless nights spent thinking about those who had been patient with you and believed in you. It is about not letting them down and working hard each day till you make it. Remember – “No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.’’

from corporate to Campus – MBA life

The transition was easy yet difficult. The feeling was familiar. It was like the someone has pressed the rewind button on those tape recorders which played music cassettes. Exactly a year back, I returned to do my post graduation after working in corporate for three years. There was nothing that I did not love there – the glamour, the gossip, the parties and the work culture and the team. I also went though the phase of constant job switches every few months to get the best deal. The only thing that sucked in those glass buildings and envious corridors was the pay cheque. It was time to move up the ladder. MBA was the dream I had for years, and pursuing it was important. CAT preparations took the joy out of my life as managing work and studies was a tough task, sleep deprivation was keeping me on edge but who knew both these traits would come handy once I reach there. Getting into an esteemed college was important in a country like India where there is a college in every nook and cranny. Getting admission in FORE was half the job done. The college started and it was a shock to be back in college after a gap of four years. The assignments, deadlines, the committee meetings and the attendance., the first term was a mess, yet I got adjusted.

looking for new Horizons…

A year passed by in no time and then comes the internship. Summer internship interviews were a trailer to what was coming for final placements. Sales and marketing roles are different. Doing an MBA, after working on projects in back office required learning and unlearning. The glamour of marketing taught me the art of lying. It is all about selling a dream which many innocent Indians will fall for. I got my internship in a start up that sells a product on amazon. The job title was – Business development lead. How fancy it sounds, yet how basic the job was. The B2B sales. Brand awareness and visibility were a challenge, yet I sold hundred of pieces and managed to get few bulk orders and meet the targets.

Now after finishing the internship and returning to college feels like being in a nurturing known territory, a week has not passed, and the jitters had started to come back. The submission of SIP reports and meeting the mentor who is pissed off by not giving him much importance and not licking his ego during the internship and two weeks holidays before the college started made him throw tantrums in all directions. The first draft I sent him, he laughed and said it was crap. Well! Not that he had a different word in his vocabulary for the second draft.

Image result for college life

The classes are going as usual and the juniors have arrived. It feels good to see them hustling around confused and lost in the corridors arranging their B suits and formals like the high school pass-outs straight out of Hannah Montana musical. It seems like they are trying hard to get out of their comfy torn jeans and t- shirts, the freedom they enjoyed during their graduation years is taken away again.

I looked in oblivion during the busy lunch hour in cafeteria at all those juniors and tried to find myself in one of them. The rat race is on and it is fiercer.

COFFEE – a prescription drug

From once a fortnight visit to the CCD in school to drinking half a dozen shots of espresso in a day, it was quite a journey. The relationship with caffeine was intoxicating and slowly turned into an addiction. An addiction that was necessary to live up to the expectations of an MBA professors. The long working hours and crazy deadlines for assignment submissions, the group projects and the additional burden I had of being a part of the student council forced me to gulp cups of coffee to stay awake.

I don’t have any inhibition to accept that it was not always work that kept us awake, after all, doing an MBA is no excuse to not being in sync with the society.  In the midst of long nights, the winter was finally coming, and dragons were ready to show Cersei her place. The cuppa kept me high while I catch up on Narcos and the reruns of Rachel and Phoebe enjoying their hot coffee in the central perk. Reading economic times initially was a task that could not have been possible without a hot cup of steaming coffee. Leaving the love of tea behind, I tread on the path that lead to a one way coffee street.

starbucks

There has not been a day at college, when we did not order coffee in the cafeteria, while our group bitch about who had free ridded in the last assignment or group project and hours of discussions on how to go about the next project. The most arguments that steamed up on those coffee tables revolved around dividing work, marking territories to avoid overlaps and sharing cups of tea and coffee along with anything that was on the menu. There have been days where we burned our tongues trying to finish our cups while running through the corridors to not miss the lecture.

There is no denying the fact that the coffee I had is no match to the cappuccinos, hazelnut lattes and the funky Instagram worthy Frappuccino’s I had during my stint at corporate prior to joining the college but these cheap shot infusions kept me going through the day and let me stay awake in the early morning corporate finance and logistics management lectures. In between all the rush and madness this life brought, I managed to catch up with my non-MBA corporate buddies, in those swanky Starbucks to enjoy the coffee exactly the way I like – thick, skimmed milk and expensive.

the cuppa

In the race to achieve the corporate dream, the dreams of working in those glass skyscrapers and leading a team and the hefty pay cheques, the hope that future is bright and where we don’t think twice before ordering the most expensive coffee on the menu without missing a heartbeat looking at the price, we all do what it takes to move ahead of the pack, burning the midnight oil. And trust me, there will be no regrets when I would look back.

I kept going…

With all the pain, the humiliation hidden deep inside,

I kept going…

With all the broken desires,

messed up life and dried tears,

I kept going…

it takes courage to bear it..

Until a day,

when I choked to my lungs, and it seems

instead of blood in my veins, it was all tears inside

tearing me apart…

it flows from the heart

I cried beneath the pillows,

behind closed doors…

While the world sleeps… the hands of the clock kept moving,

I was only passing to the oblivion,

like an aging star

with all my secrets,

which i took to my grave… none talked, none shared…

with end coming near, I thought with all my might…

Did i ever live my life?

while my soul departed into space,

hence, I rest my case…

The one after the resignation…

The separations are always difficult. The one from the corporate should not be that hard, yet it is heart wrenching, as this is the place where you have spent more hours than your home. Where you have played not only games but politics, the gossip and so much more. While deleting some old junk from my sent folders, I came across a piece I sent as a farewell note I sent before they blocked my office email address for security reasons. IF you dig deep, you will find some hatred, a bit of disappointment and love for few in subtle yet firm manner. Some editing has been done to hide identities.

see yaa

Hi,

I was supposed to close this note on the day I left the organisation, but I am glad I did not, as in that case it would be a tell it all tale & up, close and personal. 

Its been 5 days since, I left the organisation and things have started to fade out apart from the physical location of the building and some great memories (actually a lot of them). 

Lets get straight into acknowledgements:

I had the opportunity of working with all the three managers: Hitesh, Saurav and Derik, not in the same order or duration of the time I spent in their respective teams. You all were very cooperative and it was great working with you, although the feelings might not be mutual as I was literally the only non performing asset in your respective teams.

Saurav: I know you had the plans of moving me into mid stage since December, and it did not work out the way you planned. I saw your disappointment in one of the monthly meetings, when you said your attitude doesn’t match with the you portrayed during operations round. Trust me! I had no idea that my academic plans will be pre-poned. I know you never asked for an explanation but I want to get it off my head.

Hitesh: You were amicable as a person and ebullient as a manager. It was nice working with you. I do want to know the sources who tipped you about my check ins and Instagram posts, as all the obvious ones were blocked from my social media profiles.

To all the people, who made my journey a cakewalk: N, Aliesha, Anika, Yadi, Tani.. I hope I have not forgotten any member of my last team


sayo nara

Regular visitors to my Bay: Shubra

Once in a month : Saumaya

Cheers to the R 6… you all were fun, vivacious, magnanimous and seraphic 

To the rest of the people, I don’t have much to say apart from doing the formality of saying “Good Luck”

Signing out 

Karan

angels and demons -book review

I finished ‘The Vinci code’, almost half a decade ago and it was amazing. Dan Brown as an author has done a fabolous job in creating a star Robert Langdon and worked heavily on plot. Angels and demons was purchased by me a year back and I never felt like diving into it immediately.

A month back, I started it. The initial 20 chapters were difficult to read and it took so much energy to read and almost a fortnight to get past the facade. The problem with the sequence to the best sellers is that if you are repeating the protaganist, you know how he behaves. The books moves fast but did not keep me engaged, but after the initial 150 pages, the story starts building and it actually became a page turner. The new characters introduced and suspicion was created on each of them.

That is the quality of a good book. The next 200 pages were read in a day as the suspense get hard and the church and the faith and the illuminati were murdering the bishops, while the world works for the next pope. The twist and turns were predictable to an extent but for that I am to blame as I have read few books of Brown.

The last 50 pages were again difficult as the closure was given to each sub plot which was not very unpredictable. The book is great in general. The world lost its Pope and the the faith in Vatican is detoraiting as science progress exponentially. Is there any answer left for god to answer in this modern day and age. The church has a sinful past. Who will reveal it and how many dies to keep it a secret? Its a race against time.

Disclaimer – I make sure I watch the movie post reading the book.

My Rating – 3.7/5

BangloRE – a cosmopolitan

banglore is a city which is perfect example of melting pot of the country. there is so much to do in bangluru and you can explore the city as per your schedule. Being a north Indian, i found a language barrier, as most of the drivers speak their native tongue. I dont know what it is – Tamil, Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam, it all sounds same to me – angda pangda langda.

The trip needs to be customized as per your preferences – depending on whether you like shopping, club hopping and partying or site seeing or you want to mix it all. I started mine with flying. Being adventurous, i went for micro light flying. It was fun and great first experience. Looking down at the city gives you a panoramic view of the city and the skyline. The second stop was an animal safari at bannerghatta biological park. It had deers, elephants and tigers and you will see them all, but they all seemed tamed.

If you have a sweet tooth like me, you can go to Jus Trufs where you can make your chocolate truffles or anything out of chocolate, make sure you had your lunch prior to that, the city is said to be a paradise for foodies, although being a delhite I have my doubts.

Go and check a vineyards , if you are into wines like me. I visited Grover vineyard. Amazing it was. My visits are little offbeat, if you want to do something traditional, go by the rule book and visit banglore palace.

Big little lies – a review

Lets just start by describing the series as amazingly awesome. As an audience it was able to get my full attention, and let me give you a disclaimer that I am not a binge watcher, i watched the 7 episodes in a matter of 4 days. Trust me! that is pretty fast for me.

The show is written exceptionally well and the suspense is kept till the end. it feels like a 7 hour long gripping suspense thriller which is worth its money and will keep you hooked till the end. The actors are exceptionally good – be it Nicole, Reese Wither-spoon or Shailene Woodley. They have worked hard on their parts. The supporting actors are amazing. I would definitely recommend this one and you will get an icing on the cake in the end. the supporting cast is amazing. I cant reveal much except saying you will love it.

the male cast…

The one thing which I was spell bound is the directors will to keep it real. How the rich and the poor struggle in their own right and behind those smiles and perfect lives – there is so much wrong and everyone is fighting battles no one knows about and is vulnerable. The kids in the series are born actors – the peer pressure, the rat race, the delimma and the betrayal are portrayed without any hint of drama.

My verdict: 4.7/5

STOP the GOT predictions…

I have been an game of throne fan for quite some time, and I am really impressed by the writing and direction and the screenplay and visual effects, apart from the tightly written characters who shine individually. what I dont like are the over enthusiastic fans who have prediction theories and trying to shove it to your face, whether you are interested or not.

GOT is a fictional show, and I love it no less, but the last year has been extremely difficult as HBO announced that this is going to be the last season of the show. With the over enthusiastic fans who started running the rumour mill, by telling bran is the night king to khaleesi losing to cersei. It did not get any better. The facebook is filled with spoilers 3 minutes post the episode is released.

I do not understand the madness associated with the desperation of the people to give the spoilers or predicting and over analyzing each episode. Whether this season is over funny or what season 2 episode 3 had an hint of what happened in season 8 episode 2. I am not interested. It is an interesting show. Let it remain that way. What Jon snow said to Arya and Arya repeated to Sansa before she moved to crypt is not 11 things that you must have missed while watching the latest episode blog on facebook.

It is a show, lets enjoy it. Don’t behave its the last good show on earth and dont irritate the millions who donot watch it. Do not be mood spoilers by over analyzing and over predicting. You are not going to get a question in one of your exams about the last episode on GOT.

ENJOY… don’t ruin it

11 steps to new you

“When he responded to my suggestion on the project, and said it’s brilliant, And offered me to be his partner, I was in 7th heaven.” These were the words of my friend Rhythima Joshi, who was considered a nerd and dumb by my class and other batches of my university irrespective of the stream and degree. She was a girl of not only low self esteem, but also a patient of no self confidence and inferiority complex.

I can relate to this girl to an extent, as I have gone through the same phase a decade back when I was in my high school, and before I talk about her transformation, I would like you to know what needs to be done if you have been in depression and hesitate to step out of your home, and going to a party is a nightmare for you. You have two options – either live in a delusion that you are reserved and introvert, and not a party animal, or to understand and identify the problem areas and work on it step by step, to come out shining and surprise the world, like Rhythima and I did.

The 11 steps that changed her world…

1: ACCEPT YOURSELF: For the longest time I wasn’t able to utter a world in school and start shivering in the month of May, and that too in a country like India, because I did not like anything about me. I did not like my thin frame, my school, anything that exists in the world of a teenager. Finally someone taught me that you would not like anything till you don’t like yourself. Accept yourself, if you can’t change yourself, go to gym to make biceps or beauty salon, to turn into a swan, whatever it requires. If you need motivation classes, go there. You are unique and the best in your role. You will see a significant change in your confidence level just after following the first step.

2: SPEAK LOUDER: A tried and tested method, It doesn’t mean you start shouting but speak a bit louder and clear. Make sure you are not speaking fast as it shows lack of confidence and also taken as an absolute sign of nervousness. Girls love the men, who speaks clear, concise and fluent.

3: BODY LANGUAGE: A very common thing, which I thought doesn’t matter, although a lot of expert classes which I attended, the coaches swear on its impact, on your confidence and speaking skills. I realized it late, that more you move your hands when you speak, lesser are the chances of person listening to you, will take you seriously. Your shoulders should be firm and hand gestures limited. Girls can use it more as they are expressive and descriptive, but use it when necessary, when you are standing “don’t swing”, is a golden rule.

4: DRESS TO KILL: This doesn’t mean you need to buy your wardrobe from Manish Malhotra or Sabyasachi, but we often dress casually even to an office, so if you start going to your work or college after grooming yourself, you will leave an impression, dressing in semi-formals, once in a while, shaving or trimming your beard nicely makes you look attractive and approachable. Torned jeans, un-ironed shirts may be cool to wear, but not every day, as they make you look rebellious and careless. So give some time to your appearance, it work wonders.

5; STOP THE NEGATIVITY: You would not realize how much our negative thoughts can harm us, I can’t do this, I am a looser, and sometimes people around us make us believe that. It’s time to change those thoughts as well as people if required. The more you indulge in I can’t, the more you lose your confidence. Remember everyone has flaws, you can’t remove them, but you can cover them. For instance, I had skinny arms, so I used to wear full sleeved shirts even in summers; no one knew it till I wore a sleeveless tee on a weekend party.

6: PURSUE A HOBBY: It seems bookish, but it works, whether you love listening to music or reading a book, do whatever you like or work to achieve something you need, may be the next i-phone 6S, earn and buy. When you achieve small things, you will feel better and confident, and it improves your self-image. Hobbies relax you and relieve the stress, which make you feel more active and elevate your mood which affect your confidence.

7: READ AS MUCH AS YOU CAN: The people who read rarely have a problem of self confidence or hardly suffer from inferiority complex, the reason is the more you read, the more you know about world, when you are abreast with world around you, you can start and be a part of conversation too, and when you talk sense, people won’t mind listening. Moreover reading improves your language and vocabulary, so when you use those hard to pronounce and sophisticated words, you also sound well read and intelligent. I am a literature graduate, so I used it to my benefit.

8: MOVE OUT OF COMFORT ZONE: The friend you know for years will be there all the time, if you are shy or introvert, and happy being one. Remember it is not a good thing to be one in such a highly vocal world, I am not suggesting you to go to every happening event around you, but to move out of your comfort zone, meet new people in a hobby class, join a neighbor on a walk, you will hate it in the beginning but will love the effect it will have on your personality.

9: MAKE MISTAKES: It’s better to make 100 mistakes then to live a life with 100 regrets, which includes I wish I would have done that, which at a later stage suffocates you. Learning swimming was a thing I kept postponing for more than two decades because of my phobia of drowning which aroused because I almost died drowning in a water tank at the age of 7. Few months back I learnt swimming, the phobia is gone along with the regret. You may make fool of yourself doing something but will learn a lesson of a lifetime, not to repeat the same mistake again.

10: DO NOT PREDICT: The best thing to do is, be unpredictable of the results, when you start thinking of the negative results, you are actually planning to fail, which often leads to low self esteem, so when you are doing anything, stop thinking of consequences, be it a relationship, work or friends, forming perceptions and specially self talk about how it would go, can lead it to go the way, you actually thought it will go.

11: SPEAK YOU MIND: During discussions in groups, people with low confidence doesn’t speak at all, it can be with common friends as well, start talking, you only remain silent, because of the fear of getting judged, of talking something stupid or out of context, the fact is people are more forgiving then we think they are. By speaking up in a group, one can become a better public speaker as well as more confident and will come out of that complex existing in your brain.