Depression- cure, symptoms, and trauma

We all had a friend who used to stay aloof, do not talk much and has severe mood swings, at one time in our life. As we grow old, during our high school and graduation, we have seen classmates who are sad and lost interest in life, feeling empty and hopeless. Some like me might have experienced it in varying shades and degrees themselves. The recent deaths of Pratyusha Banerjee and Jiah Khan has brought the light back to the uncomfortable question of extreme pressure to perform, not able to handle, either-failure or success.
Sadness and disappointments in life and going through rough phase is normal, but if the phase continues for long, it is called as depression. Although the real depression is much more then sadness and emptiness, the symptoms of major depression include loss of appetite, tiredness, addiction to alcohol and stuff, most importantly lost of interest from life and things you once used to enjoy. There are some clear signs of someone struggling from life and depression.


7 SIGNS OF DEPRESSION:
• The person cannot concentrate at work and personal life, gets irritated at small things, restless and even violent during any argument
• Loss of interest from all things the person liked, most important of it socializing.
• The feeling of worthlessness and aimlessness, is one of the most easily visible symptom, where person cut from all near and dear ones.
• Loss of appetite and weight, and interest of grooming specifically in females can be seen, while others may start over eating to the extreme.
• The person feels he is responsible for every wrong happening in his life or anyone connected to him.
• Suicidal thoughts and attempts to end life in cases of persistent and long term depression.
• Fear of bringing disrepute and ill name to family and its legacy in society by his/her past action or unethical act.

The last point can trigger suicide even before a person fall into depression, as he tries to end life in the heat of the moment.

The only way of bringing someone out of depression is being with the person, and providing him unconditional emotional support as he is weak in the head, and depression is all in mind. The friends of the person should interact with him more and should not leave him in the middle of road, because of his changed behavior and extreme mood swings. People with suicidal tendencies talk about harming themselves, calling friends and relatives to say goodbye, giving away their expensive stuff to friends and cousins.

Loneliness and lack of support from family and peers is one of the most important causes of depression, although depression because of financial stress, substance abuse and relationship problems can best be treated by medical and psychological experts. Parents have to detect the symptoms and causes by observing the pattern and should not force anyone to go to a psychologist as it may lead person to start avoiding such people. Friends and family should indulge the person, make him know that how much they appreciate the patient and their mere existence make them happy.

WHAT IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?

I can answer this question well, because I have seen people close to me in clinical depression, maniac depression also known as bipolar depression, in which person is over-happy for a week and extremely depressed in the next.
I, myself to an extent have gone through some minor depression for a month or two, 3 years back and can say it with confidence, there is always a door to come out of it.

The only thing one has to learn is if you have more than 2 of the above mentioned symptoms for more than a month, you probably are in early stages of depression. As causes of depression are different, so are the cure. What works for one person to get out of it may not work for other. The best approach is to change the lifestyle, confide in someone you trust, and don’t leave yourself alone as isolation may fuel depression. If it is severe, there is nothing wrong in getting medical help. Therapy and antidepressant, along with counseling can work wonders, and fastens the process of recovery. Manage your emotions and stress well, understand the basic fact that – the only constant in life is change. Remember what P.B. Shelly said–“ If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”

Try to read motivational books and look at people who have suffered and fought and came out glorious. Remember what legends have said to inspire us to bear the pain.
A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.”– Stephen Hoeller.

DEPRESSION BY STATSTICS:

• Depression affects 121 million people worldwide. Severe depression can lead to suicides and is responsible for 8.5 million deaths every year.

• 80 percent of people who have clinical depression are not taking any specific treatment to cure it.

• The number of patients with depression increases by 20 percent every year.

• Depression is most probable in age group of 42 – 64 years. Overall women are twice more prone to depression then men.

• In India, as per a survey in 2011, 36 percent of the population suffers from depression.

Before taking the extreme step, think about those who are alive just to see you smile. Don’t take their purpose of life away from them.

If Pratyusha, would have thought of her million fans who loved her unconditionally. If she would have confided in her parents or friends, and have stood against her abusive live in partner, without thinking about how society will judge her, for having 3 consecutive failed relationships; she would have been alive today.

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travel diaries

Explored the traveler in me few years back. This blog is for all those who want to get a true experience and want to get an idea of what the vibe of a place is… what should not be missed. I am one of those who do not travel on tight budget, so those who love a bit of luxury, and some holiday pampering – watch this space for more

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BangloRE – a cosmopolitan

banglore is a city which is perfect example of melting pot of the country. there is so much to do in bangluru and you can explore the city as per your schedule. Being a north Indian, i found a language barrier, as most of the drivers speak their native tongue. I dont know what it is – Tamil, Telugu, Kannada, Malayalam, it all sounds same to me – angda pangda langda.

The trip needs to be customized as per your preferences – depending on whether you like shopping, club hopping and partying or site seeing or you want to mix it all. I started mine with flying. Being adventurous, i went for micro light flying. It was fun and great first experience. Looking down at the city gives you a panoramic view of the city and the skyline. The second stop was an animal safari at bannerghatta biological park. It had deers, elephants and tigers and you will see them all, but they all seemed tamed.

If you have a sweet tooth like me, you can go to Jus Trufs where you can make your chocolate truffles or anything out of chocolate, make sure you had your lunch prior to that, the city is said to be a paradise for foodies, although being a delhite I have my doubts.

Go and check a vineyards , if you are into wines like me. I visited Grover vineyard. Amazing it was. My visits are little offbeat, if you want to do something traditional, go by the rule book and visit banglore palace.

Big little lies – a review

Lets just start by describing the series as amazingly awesome. As an audience it was able to get my full attention, and let me give you a disclaimer that I am not a binge watcher, i watched the 7 episodes in a matter of 4 days. Trust me! that is pretty fast for me.

The show is written exceptionally well and the suspense is kept till the end. it feels like a 7 hour long gripping suspense thriller which is worth its money and will keep you hooked till the end. The actors are exceptionally good – be it Nicole, Reese Wither-spoon or Shailene Woodley. They have worked hard on their parts. The supporting actors are amazing. I would definitely recommend this one and you will get an icing on the cake in the end. the supporting cast is amazing. I cant reveal much except saying you will love it.

the male cast…

The one thing which I was spell bound is the directors will to keep it real. How the rich and the poor struggle in their own right and behind those smiles and perfect lives – there is so much wrong and everyone is fighting battles no one knows about and is vulnerable. The kids in the series are born actors – the peer pressure, the rat race, the delimma and the betrayal are portrayed without any hint of drama.

My verdict: 4.7/5

STOP the GOT predictions…

I have been an game of throne fan for quite some time, and I am really impressed by the writing and direction and the screenplay and visual effects, apart from the tightly written characters who shine individually. what I dont like are the over enthusiastic fans who have prediction theories and trying to shove it to your face, whether you are interested or not.

GOT is a fictional show, and I love it no less, but the last year has been extremely difficult as HBO announced that this is going to be the last season of the show. With the over enthusiastic fans who started running the rumour mill, by telling bran is the night king to khaleesi losing to cersei. It did not get any better. The facebook is filled with spoilers 3 minutes post the episode is released.

I do not understand the madness associated with the desperation of the people to give the spoilers or predicting and over analyzing each episode. Whether this season is over funny or what season 2 episode 3 had an hint of what happened in season 8 episode 2. I am not interested. It is an interesting show. Let it remain that way. What Jon snow said to Arya and Arya repeated to Sansa before she moved to crypt is not 11 things that you must have missed while watching the latest episode blog on facebook.

It is a show, lets enjoy it. Don’t behave its the last good show on earth and dont irritate the millions who donot watch it. Do not be mood spoilers by over analyzing and over predicting. You are not going to get a question in one of your exams about the last episode on GOT.

ENJOY… don’t ruin it

11 steps to new you

“When he responded to my suggestion on the project, and said it’s brilliant, And offered me to be his partner, I was in 7th heaven.” These were the words of my friend Rhythima Joshi, who was considered a nerd and dumb by my class and other batches of my university irrespective of the stream and degree. She was a girl of not only low self esteem, but also a patient of no self confidence and inferiority complex.

I can relate to this girl to an extent, as I have gone through the same phase a decade back when I was in my high school, and before I talk about her transformation, I would like you to know what needs to be done if you have been in depression and hesitate to step out of your home, and going to a party is a nightmare for you. You have two options – either live in a delusion that you are reserved and introvert, and not a party animal, or to understand and identify the problem areas and work on it step by step, to come out shining and surprise the world, like Rhythima and I did.

The 11 steps that changed her world…

1: ACCEPT YOURSELF: For the longest time I wasn’t able to utter a world in school and start shivering in the month of May, and that too in a country like India, because I did not like anything about me. I did not like my thin frame, my school, anything that exists in the world of a teenager. Finally someone taught me that you would not like anything till you don’t like yourself. Accept yourself, if you can’t change yourself, go to gym to make biceps or beauty salon, to turn into a swan, whatever it requires. If you need motivation classes, go there. You are unique and the best in your role. You will see a significant change in your confidence level just after following the first step.

2: SPEAK LOUDER: A tried and tested method, It doesn’t mean you start shouting but speak a bit louder and clear. Make sure you are not speaking fast as it shows lack of confidence and also taken as an absolute sign of nervousness. Girls love the men, who speaks clear, concise and fluent.

3: BODY LANGUAGE: A very common thing, which I thought doesn’t matter, although a lot of expert classes which I attended, the coaches swear on its impact, on your confidence and speaking skills. I realized it late, that more you move your hands when you speak, lesser are the chances of person listening to you, will take you seriously. Your shoulders should be firm and hand gestures limited. Girls can use it more as they are expressive and descriptive, but use it when necessary, when you are standing “don’t swing”, is a golden rule.

4: DRESS TO KILL: This doesn’t mean you need to buy your wardrobe from Manish Malhotra or Sabyasachi, but we often dress casually even to an office, so if you start going to your work or college after grooming yourself, you will leave an impression, dressing in semi-formals, once in a while, shaving or trimming your beard nicely makes you look attractive and approachable. Torned jeans, un-ironed shirts may be cool to wear, but not every day, as they make you look rebellious and careless. So give some time to your appearance, it work wonders.

5; STOP THE NEGATIVITY: You would not realize how much our negative thoughts can harm us, I can’t do this, I am a looser, and sometimes people around us make us believe that. It’s time to change those thoughts as well as people if required. The more you indulge in I can’t, the more you lose your confidence. Remember everyone has flaws, you can’t remove them, but you can cover them. For instance, I had skinny arms, so I used to wear full sleeved shirts even in summers; no one knew it till I wore a sleeveless tee on a weekend party.

6: PURSUE A HOBBY: It seems bookish, but it works, whether you love listening to music or reading a book, do whatever you like or work to achieve something you need, may be the next i-phone 6S, earn and buy. When you achieve small things, you will feel better and confident, and it improves your self-image. Hobbies relax you and relieve the stress, which make you feel more active and elevate your mood which affect your confidence.

7: READ AS MUCH AS YOU CAN: The people who read rarely have a problem of self confidence or hardly suffer from inferiority complex, the reason is the more you read, the more you know about world, when you are abreast with world around you, you can start and be a part of conversation too, and when you talk sense, people won’t mind listening. Moreover reading improves your language and vocabulary, so when you use those hard to pronounce and sophisticated words, you also sound well read and intelligent. I am a literature graduate, so I used it to my benefit.

8: MOVE OUT OF COMFORT ZONE: The friend you know for years will be there all the time, if you are shy or introvert, and happy being one. Remember it is not a good thing to be one in such a highly vocal world, I am not suggesting you to go to every happening event around you, but to move out of your comfort zone, meet new people in a hobby class, join a neighbor on a walk, you will hate it in the beginning but will love the effect it will have on your personality.

9: MAKE MISTAKES: It’s better to make 100 mistakes then to live a life with 100 regrets, which includes I wish I would have done that, which at a later stage suffocates you. Learning swimming was a thing I kept postponing for more than two decades because of my phobia of drowning which aroused because I almost died drowning in a water tank at the age of 7. Few months back I learnt swimming, the phobia is gone along with the regret. You may make fool of yourself doing something but will learn a lesson of a lifetime, not to repeat the same mistake again.

10: DO NOT PREDICT: The best thing to do is, be unpredictable of the results, when you start thinking of the negative results, you are actually planning to fail, which often leads to low self esteem, so when you are doing anything, stop thinking of consequences, be it a relationship, work or friends, forming perceptions and specially self talk about how it would go, can lead it to go the way, you actually thought it will go.

11: SPEAK YOU MIND: During discussions in groups, people with low confidence doesn’t speak at all, it can be with common friends as well, start talking, you only remain silent, because of the fear of getting judged, of talking something stupid or out of context, the fact is people are more forgiving then we think they are. By speaking up in a group, one can become a better public speaker as well as more confident and will come out of that complex existing in your brain.

I am not even a Muslim…

people say that the last 5 years were hard for the Muslim community in India. I want to confess that it was hard for me as well, and I am not even a Muslim, but yes I am guilty of being a minority in a country headed by over enthusiastic chest thumping Hindu prime minister. Not that the previous decade of a Sikh prime minister made me feel any special.

For the first time, I felt the hatred of the majority towards the minority. Prior to 2014, during my entire schooling, and graduation and 25 years of conscious life, no one ever called me a Khalistani, under the garb of just kidding and no offence. This was a shock for me specifically when the honorable PM has no ill will for my community. It made me understand what the Muslims in this country must be going through.

the harmony gone for a toss

The incident I mentioned happened when I joined an MBA college. So, you can imagine the mindset of 10 percent of the Indian population who reaches the post graduate level, I imagine, the mentality of school dropouts and graduates who did their graduation from cheap roadside open colleges could be much worse.

Prior to 2018, no one ever called me by the name of my community and never have I ever felt the level of hatred to an unbearable extent. I wonder how this may impact the fabric of this nation, which believes in equality and secularism.

There is nothing wrong in being an all out war to win the elections as long as you remain in the limits, but do not become a Kim Jong by talking about nuclear weapons so casually for electoral gains. Do not undo the efforts of bureaucrats and hard work they have put to build a case for India to get a NSG and security council. These irresponsible statements can work against you in global politics.

no going back…

In all these tensed and charged political environment, the only silver lining is the Indian media, no global media outlet can lick the asses of their political masters better than them.Be it prasoon Joshi asking the PM who is wearing a Rs 40,000 bandgala – “Kuch fakiri hai aapme.” Or be it Akshay Kumar asking do you eat mangoes in the viral a[political interview.

Lets wait and watch till 23rd May.

House of Cards – a review

I started this show years back, when kevin spacey was still clean. the first 4 seasons were back to back. The political drama has been written with great zeal and water tight writing, that is something real. The fuss has been kept low yet the involvement of the viewer is high and it gets you hooked immediately. trust me! I don’t get baited easily.

House of Cards

the political drama takes you inside the corridors of US politics and leave you in the ugly battle for the run to the oval house. It takes you into the lives of ambitious couple – Frank and Claire Underwood. A couple whose marriage is perfect from outside but is more of a convenience. Who can afford a divorce in the early 50’s? The struggle to cope up with difficulties and lies and murders and what not is fast paced from season 2 and 3. The season 4 is amazing and shows the acting caliber of all the supporting actors and their desperation to catch up is well defined.

the first lady came to its own once she enter the white house. Season 4 and 5 were amazing and spacey was thrown out after me too campaign and the show literally collapsed to its name. it took years to make season 6, which made me lose interest as well seeped my energy to watch the conclusion. I beleive now as it is available on netflix- all seasons. It will be more satisafctory for the viewers – no wait. I was not convineced with the ending. Do let me know if you were….

my rating:: 3.5/5

Singapore – a fine city

They call it a fine city as you get fined for everything – smoking in a non smoking zone, chewing gum is banned and the city sleep quite early. apart from all the flaws, it was a wonderful experience..

marina bay sands

for so long as you are ready to soak yourself into the cosmopolitan world, the city has much to offer. from universal studios for the adventurous souls to the sea aquarium to see the calm sharks ready to take a selfie with you.

aquarium, sentosa

it is a small yet well organised country. perhaps the one of few, which doesn’t have an underbelly. the laws are strict and i can vouch for it, as i forgot my bag with a laptop and my passport in it at a shop in Chinatown, and went to McDonald and forgot about it. 45 minutes later, I remembered and ran to fetch it back. what were the chances it could have been there. to my surprise it was… I fall in love with the city. the people did not stole a bag having more than 1000 dollars and stuff worth 10 grand.

the singapore icon

you can visit all the fun places – the haji lane with the cool graffiti walls, the mosque there and ultra chic cafes. when in Singapore, remember to walk and imbibe the vibes…

I will write more about it in detail very soon…

chinese garden

The last lap of democracy..

Indian politics have always amazed me to an extent of shock or disbelief. It is nothing unusual to see the prime minister mudslinging on the opposition or forgetting there is a word honorable prefixed to his designation, which should have stopped him from the language he uses in his political speeches, but none the less, so do the opposition. In their defense, opposition doesnt hold the office which Modi has. Does that mean we should have different parameters to judge. Ofcourse! we must.

As the dates of polling come closer, the fight will get more dirty and language more derogatory and disgusting, reaching the street level fights, but what can we expect from an over ambitious uneducated, habitual dream seller, whose USP is to lie through his teeth and the cabinet is equally jaw dropping. The lawyer holding the finance portfolio, an external affairs minister sitting on her twitter account and a minister in UP, who believes army is their personal property.

In the meantime, opposition has not pulled up its game. without raising issues like job losses, farmer suicides, and the failures of ill decisions taken by modi, it is impossible to stop the modi juggernaut. It is true that congress has surpassed the lowest tally it could get and the journey cannot be anyway but upward stride, it depends upon them whether they want to go from 44 to 74 or 244. I am quite sure, the way they have performed in stalling parliament with just 44 MPs. They can do much better with additional 70.

Meanwhile, others are hoping to see Modi fail. The public has definitely made up its mind. The test is near and last minute preparations can work wonders for both sides.

happiness is in mind

Well i know it is hard to believe, but that is how it works. but before i say anything, let me put a disclaimer, it can not be a constant.

there is a saying that goes like – change is the only constant and i always thought like every science law, it should have an exception, i am not able to find or create one yet for this law. it actually is consistent.

it is in fact a truth, that the sadness is a spice that brings the flavor to happiness. no one wants it but it should be remembered that a constant state of happiness may become suffocating or appear forced. the only thing which should be lived by is to overcome the sadness to move to a phase of happiness, and that can only be done, if you make your mind accustomed to it.

they say – a ship is safest at the harbor, but that is not the place it is meant to be. in the same way. you may be in desperation to buy that happiness but at the wrong shop. you will find happiness when you stop setting goal posts for it like the next car, the retirement home or the bigger paycheck.

in this new year, lets grow a bit over the customary smiles and greetings and move towards more meaningful laughter and cheers and be brave enough to overcome the fears and shed those controlled tears.

have a great 2019…

2019

the destiny played it that way…

In the city of Ellen, in a small town called Pelton, which is on the banks of the great river Seanne, lived a woman named Debra. Being farmers, her family was wealthy, but not among the richest in area. It was the harvest season, and Barley had to be cultivated, from the farms. The wholesalers and traders from Ellen would be arriving in just a few weeks, carrying gold and goods. They would exchange what they carried for the Barley, and marigolds that the farmers grew.

 

But Debra was not to be found in the fields. She wasn’t working. Instead, she was sitting by the banks of the river.

 

‘I am sick of this!’ she said loudly. For so many years, she had given them all she had, and in return, what she expected was not much, at least according to her. As the sun shined to its full glory, she relived all the memories in her mind, while her heart missed a beat in nostalgia. She thought of all the times when she supported him, emotionally and sometimes financially, and in every possible way she could have, standing by him, even when the certain section of people raised their voice against the freedom she enjoyed for a woman. A tear slowly flowed from her left eye and fall on the soil, as she felt the strange pain in her heart. As the cool breeze passed through her long hair, she seemed lost in her thought, thinking about how her life would change in a few days if she didn’t do anything to stop it, but how she would be able to break the promise given by him to someone she respected so much as an individual.

 

On the crossroads of her life, Debra had reached at a stage where her decision would change the course of her life. On one end, was her father who had given her every happiness she had ever desired, even if it was beyond his capability and his reach, for all those years. The entire town had seen that how he worshipped her like a goddess. On other end was a friend John, who had comforted her in saddest and most depressed times of her life. He was the one who she trusted blindly, to an extent that if her life is at stake, and she had to choose between her father’s and John’s advice, she would have chosen latter

.

Debra could not blame her father, Richard, who unknowing of the fact that how much she loved John, accepted the marriage proposal sent by his family for the younger sister of her, named Linda. Neither can she blame John as her feelings of love for him were not mutual. He had always considered her a friend and a confidante. It wasn’t that he instead had feelings for Linda, but his interest in music and literature corresponded with the younger daughter more.

 

Moreover, being a regular visitor at Debra’s home, he became an important part of the family trusted by each member. He was the one who got Debra out of the world of sadness and silence when her mother died almost a decade back. She was hardly 13 years at that time, and lost interest in life, after she passed away. It was John who stood by him when everyone suggested Richard to take her to a physiatrist, or a magician to ward off the evil spirit they believed had possessed her. John gave her all the support and courage she needed to get out of it.

 

As the destiny had planned it, she wasn’t in the Pelton, when the proposal came, and got accepted in matter of few hours as John’s parents visited Richards home. Debra’s father thought of the proposal as an opportunity to get Elizabeth married as she had crossed 34, and the relatives were questioning his intention to not getting her elder daughter married. Elizabeth was equally adorable to Richard as Debra was, but he never wanted to get her married in haste just to lighten up his burden and because the society was desperate, to see her married. Lack of suitable grooms was the only reason as Elizabeth was beautiful and well versed with Vedas and master in playing Sarang and sings like she was blessed by goddess of voice

 

Debra knew she had to stood up for herself, without thinking about the consequences. She had become a strong woman after her mother’s death. The only thing that stopped her to go ahead and hinder her sister’s marriage was that she was not sure about the results. It’s not that she worried about, what the world would say, but, what Richard would do in such a scenario. She knew after knowing him for so many years that he did not like confrontations and do not have the guts to go against his parents. She also knew, deep down in her heart that he did not loved her, they may have wandered through the streets of Ellen, hand in hand but over the years her infatuation for him had increased manifold. He had explained her many times that he may be there for her, in all the difficult times but they can never lead a happy life because of such different nature and clashes in personality.

 

Debra unlike John was a free bird, who had fled high in sky, because of the love and support of her father. She had been spoiled by her father so much so that, she has become more demanding as an individual and more self-centred in the process, she believed that a person should go to any length to get what one want, otherwise the life is a waste. Over the time she had proved her beliefs quite often. Ruining her sister’s doll as she once denied sharing it with her in childhood, to threatening a young girl, who became good friends with John in teenage were few examples of her mood swings and desperation to get what she wants.

 

Thinking and Wondering what she should do before it is too late, the hours passed, and the sun descends to set down in the river, misty air passing through her. She felt heavy with emotions and unable to get up from the huge stone she was sitting on. With each step she took towards her home, the pain increased, and she felt helpless. She wanted to die but she is not that weak hearted to take such a step, neither had the time arrived yet to put down her weapons.

 

As the night passed slowly, each second passes like a year, sleep which was so dear to her, had become her enemy, She thought about the time left in Elizabeth’s marriage, just eleven days left, preparations were going on. She was least interested in getting new things and was thinking of future, which made her crumble in bed. She cannot live with such regret for all her life and planned to tell her father everything about her feelings for her to-be brother in law. She was missing the courage she had, whenever she revolted to get all those small things, be it toys, dresses or jewels her father can’t afford, to get it even if that means not having a meal for three consecutive days. But this time it was different, she knew it would not be easy, and it will a final nail in the coffin in the two sisters relationship.

 

Four days passed after that night, each day the burden increased as the wedding day come closer, finally a week before marriage, she got the courage to say it all her father, she knew it would only lead to an argument which will lead nowhere as he would not put his goodwill and respect earned in society at stake, for a relationship which is one sided.

 

Unshaken, she took her father to a open field near the house in the evening to tell what is killing her inside each day, and why she is looking so pale and not participating in preparations, and seemed so disinterested in her sisters marriage. She went ahead and told everything she could have said to justify her point, going to the extent of saying to call off the marriage or get her married to John. As she expected her father lost his control and went ahead to scold her for such an irresponsible behaviour and asked her to vow not to do anything that will bring shame to the family. She did not reply at that point in time but she knew, something must be done before it is too late.

 

Debra, who had always raised her voice to fulfil her wishes could not step back when it comes to choosing her partner for life. She decided to talk to John, and left for his town Bentham, the next day when the sun was about to rise as calling him to Pelton may lead to trouble. She reached before noon to his place, and luckily met him at the fields near his house, she thanked her stars as she did not know, what she would have said to his parents, to meet him, if she had to visit his home.

 

John was surprised but not shocked as he did not know what would come in next few minutes. She went to him, greeted and said what she had planned to say during the five-and-a-half-hour journey. ” Life would have been easier for me, if you would have agreed to marry anyone in this world apart from my sister. I have loved you secretly for so many years and tried to express my feelings so many times, but the emotions and feelings of love were one sided as you were always sure of the fact, that you will marry to whosoever your parents chose. The only thing which brings me grief is, they choose my sister, to whom you hardly had any conversation that lasted for more than 5 minutes in past 10 years. I would have somehow survived if it would have been someone else. Dying each day deep inside is not easy. John. I am saying all this now, as postponing it any further may send me back to the phase from where you have brought me back”.

 

He was shocked now, not by her words, but by the impact his marriage is making on her. He replied, It’s not that I am unaware of the fact that, you liked me all these years but I always believed it to be the feeling of debt or gratitude you have towards me, for bringing you out of that pain, but I want to tell you that this marriage is not happening because of my parents wish but your father’s request, who pleaded to my parents that Elizabeth has well passed her teen years and he is not getting any proposals, and the entire village is talking about her not being of good character, as she had a relationship 6 years back, which went sore, and the boy spread rumours about her character in entire city, which people do not believed to be true at that point because of your father’s reputation .But after that event, she still  did not get proposals for marriage for all these years, igniting the buried rumours once again.

 

After a long pause and awkward silence, he continued, I am marrying your sister not to prove those rumours wrong but because I believed in her innocence. Her past is a closed chapter, and I would respect her for who she is”.

 

Listening to all this, Debra was lost in her thoughts and she forgot all those feeling of love for him but the only feeling left was respect, she thought, born and brought up in well to do upper class society, reading those scriptures hadn’t taught her what few lines  from a lower class farmer who worked as a labourer in her father’s fields, taught her. The tears of gratitude fall from her cheeks, and realizing that it’s half past two, she took permission to leave back to Pelton and thanked him before starting her journey back home. She reaches back and felt lighter and happy that she cleared everything as she had no animosity for anyone now.ancient-city-small.jpg.480x0_q71_crop-scaleOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA